Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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