how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
