Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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