would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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