I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
