I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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