She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize