youre lurking in front of me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
soo... how was my night?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
