It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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