i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
