Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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