Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
