...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
