you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
