just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
