So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
