I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize