Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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