fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize