Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
