i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
