Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
