Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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