you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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