if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
