You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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