My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
