We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
