Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
