I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
