I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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