How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
