I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
