How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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