The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
