my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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