Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We were destined to go to rehab together
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
