You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
