Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
