Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
