I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
