All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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