i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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