did you get engaged???
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
