someone owes me an orgasm
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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