All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
