Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
