I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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