Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
