You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize