i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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