I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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