I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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