I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
