shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
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