At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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