Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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