Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will be naked everywhere
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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