The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
