I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
