I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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