Everything about him screamed your future.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Bring me that man meat
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
