shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't turn off my feet"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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