Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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