Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
