i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
